Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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