I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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