I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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