I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
