moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
