how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
