She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
