How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
