ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
