he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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