If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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