Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Mom said you looked used
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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