tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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