were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
