Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
