i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize