I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
