your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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