UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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