I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
my being single is dangerous.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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