I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
