is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
babies were throwing up all over the place
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
