who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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