I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
