Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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