sorry about calling you the devil all night.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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