I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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