Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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