they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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