I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
