shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
