I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
