jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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