Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
