my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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