i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
