apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
