Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
