i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
