im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
