The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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