I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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