Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
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