it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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