When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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