She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
