yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
