I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
