Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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