I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
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