Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
