I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
