I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
