Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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