I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
