Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Text me some of your sweat
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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