Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
