Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
