i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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