going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
