The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
