we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
