theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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