My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
