I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
