and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
where are my eyebrows?
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