i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
