He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
