Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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