She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
